Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
