I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
