I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
