I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my shit smells like andre
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
