I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
