They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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