just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
