i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
