Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
