my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
