She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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