He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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