i would punch a child for taco bell
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
