I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
