at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
