we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
