$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
