I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
