my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
