we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
