Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
