Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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