Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
