***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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