he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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