I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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