Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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