i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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