How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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