you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
