Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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