he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize