College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
