glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
