Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
