Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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