I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
