I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
