my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
