I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Damn victory sex feels great
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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