I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
