david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
