Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Every concussion has its silver lining
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
