If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
