My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
