somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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