Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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