You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
