i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
