Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
