she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
