I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize