when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
