Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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