she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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