they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
