I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
