DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize