I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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