you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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