Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
