Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
