I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
