My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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