I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
