all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
