SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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