Kiss
Puke
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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